Monster
by A maze thing
Summary: “You scare the living crap out of me. I’ve been to Hell, and you scare the crap out of me!” Dean and Sam finally have an argument about Sam’s powers and, well, drinking habits.


_Monster_

_Summary: "You scare the living crap out of me. I've been to Hell, and you scare the crap out of me!" Dean and Sam __**finally **__have an argument about Sam's powers and, well, drinking habits._

A/N: Yeah, I wrote another one. Another fight-fest because, honestly, we need some arguments between them. I just wish they'd overreact and express themselves to each other. Oh and just as a little side note, Sam has mentioned (multiple times) that Dean has 'changed'. And yeah, I guess Dean has softened a little after coming back, but I'm not exactly sure how much Dean has changed. If anyone cares to enlighten me, please let me know. One last thing, this was inspired by JessicaRae's video _Monster_. .com/watch?v=YkzGmiRFkjI&feature=channel_page

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"You don't know what you are talking about," Sam stated a little nervously, turning away from his brother's disappointed, pointed look. He had wished this argument would never happen, but he knew that somehow his problems and his brother's problems always came to light. Somehow, by some divine being or some demonic way, they always had to face their tribulations. And no matter what, they always had each other, which normally was a good thing. But this time, it definitely wasn't. Dean didn't want to see what Sam was doing; he only could see what their father's black and white logic allowed him to see. Sam's brother couldn't see all the good that he was doing. He wanted Dean to understand that what he was doing was for…well, them. Sam wanted to save the world, wipe out all demons and evil beings, just like they always had. It's just, now, there was less risk involved. Dean just didn't seem to understand any of that.

Dean glared at Sam's back. _What kind of screwed up logic could lead him to believe that _this_ was the right and good thing to do?_ Sam was using his…powers? Gifts? No, not gifts. Curses that the freakin' yellow eyed demon gave him, the same demon that killed their mother. Had Sam forgotten about that little detail? The fact that the thing that started their screwed up, whirlwind-type life with the death of their mother plus the death of their father and the almost successful death of Dean was the same _thing_ that gave him those powers. Sam had complained about the fact that there was demon blood coursing through his veins. Sam had always wanted _normal_: a normal life, a normal family, normal everything. But now, Dean's little brother seemed to be becoming the same thing they had both feared he would become. A monster.

"Using those damn powers is helping no one but the damn demons that gave them to you! They're killing you! You don't know what they are doing to you, but I do! I see the way you look when you're using them, and to tell you the truth, you scare the living crap out of me. I've been to Hell, and _you_ scare the crap out of me!" Sam stayed silent, not looking at his brother. Dean let out a breath before continuing. "It's not just physical you know, you've changed. And I…I don't want to lose you to the things we hunt!"

Sam whirled around, furious. His eyes had turned icy cold with almost silent angry. His body was tense as his face conveyed everything he felt. "I've changed!?" he yelled. Throwing his arms out, staring at Dean as if he were crazy, Sam found himself itching to wrap his hands around his brother's neck. "You're the one that's different! You're the one that changed!"

"How!?" Dean yelled back. _Don't try to change it around on me._ "How am I different than before the pit!? Huh!? How did _I_ change?!" Sam stayed silent. "Yeah! That reminds me, Sam." He bit out his brother's name with an almost childish angry. "What's your excuse? I leave you for four fucking months, and you go crawling back to that demon bitch! I was in HELL for forty years!"

Sam glared as Dean's words seemed to dance around him in a mocking fashion. "Oh, and you didn't break down? As I remember, _you_ were the one that started torturing after 30 years. So don't you even try to lecture me about cracking under the pressure or the pain." Sam moved away from Dean, putting some distance between them. He stared at the wall, allowing his eyes to drift shut before a silent force exploded inside him. Dean was silent behind him. "And what makes your punishment so much worse than mine?" Sam's voice was quiet and almost sinister with anger. "How was your hell any different than mine? Hmmm? Everyone I love…died." His voice was slowly starting to become calm. "Mom died because of me. Died in my nursery. Jessica died because of me. Died in my apartment, over _my_ bed." He finally turned to look at Dean, his voice finally growing louder. "You sold your damn soul for me!" he yelled. "And what?! Did you really believe I would be able to just go on with my life without out?"

"You've done it before!"

"What?!"

"You left. Left me and Dad for Stanford, like we weren't even important, like we meant nothing to you! Just dropped us as soon as you saw a way out!" Déjà vu claimed Sam as he remembered, years ago, when the shapeshifter was 'downloading' Dean's thoughts.

"_Boy he sure as issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. Mean I had to stay home…with Dad. You don't think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?" _

Sam knew that Dean must have been bitter about him leaving, but Sam never thought he'd be angry.

"Oh God!" the anger inside him continued. "You're sill pissed 'bout that! About the fact that I tried to have a normal life? Well it didn't work, now did it? Because Mom had to make a damned deal, which seems to be the only thing this damned family can do for each other!"

"Don't talk about Mom like that! This isn't her fault!"

"Oh really?" Déjà vu hit Sam again as he remembered the first night that they had gone on the hunt for their father and the Woman in White upon the bridge.

"_You have a responsibility."_

"_To Dad? And his crusade? If it weren't for pictures, I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like. What difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her Mom's gone. And she isn't coming back." The next thing he felt was Dean's hands grabbing hold of his jacket and his back hitting against the bridge from the force of Dean's maneuver. There was a silence as the two brothers stared at each other; one in anger, one in waiting._

"_Don't talk about her like that." _

"Really!" Dean sighed, and both brothers seemed to realize what they had done to each other. How could one thing cause this much pain for their small family? "You have a choice in the matter! Just stop! Please! Do you really think DRINKING demon's blood is normal or right or whatever you think it is?! It's demon's blood! The stuff you were upset about being in your veins! Don't you remember Jack…or Max?"

Sam remained silent as he remembered the two men. Jack had been born a monster, well technically. He had been a perfectly normal human until his demon-half started to rear its ugly head and changed him into a meat-devouring, evil Rugaru. Sam had believed that Jack could control it, that he wasn't inherently evil. Jack had a choice, could have saved himself and his wife. But he was wrong. Jack had killed their friend Travis and had tried to kill both Sam and Dean.

And Max. _Oh God, Max. _He was like Sam, having demon's blood in his veins, having an unexplained gift. Sam thought that Max could control it, that Max was good, but he killed his father and uncle. He would have killed his stepmother and Dean if Sam hadn't stopped him. In the end, Max killed himself to stop himself. Was that what Sam had to do? Was Sam really turning into…a monster?

"Sammy, I'm sorry," Dean spoke softly as he would to a scarred child, placing a hand on his little brother's shoulder and pushing him towards one of the beds and allowing him to sit upon it. "But…"

"Oh God, Dean," Sam croaked, tears filling his eyes as he looked up at his big brother, his protector. "Am I really…Am I…" he stopped to collect himself, "turning into a monster?"

"No Sam. I won't let you," Dean said quickly, sitting next to his brother.

"I'm so sorry Dean."

"Me too Sammy, me too." Sam placed his head on Dean's shoulder, needing the comfort only his brother could give him.

"Don't let me turn into a monster. Don't let me turn into Max…or Jack…or a demon." The tears finally escaped, crashing from his eyes onto Dean's shoulder.

"I won't Sammy. You're my little brother. I love you, and you're not a monster. You're not." Dean breathed, staring at the wall across from them as he placed a soothing hand on the back of his brother's hand. As he spoke those words, Dean wasn't exactly sure if he truly believed them himself, but he had to. There was no other way. Sam was not turning into a monster. Sam was Sam. That 'chubby little 12 year old' that Dean knew and loved. The perfectly innocent man that only wanted happiness.

So why couldn't Dean believe that Sam wasn't a monster?

**The end.**

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A/N: I really made them angry. Also, I was having trouble writing fourth season Sam. I…I don't even know how he'd act. He's normal Sam one moment and then crazy, demon-drinking Sam the next. Eek. Let me know what you think! I hope you guys liked it!


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